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***QUESTION***
David-
Soon after I began receiving your mailbags (6 months ago) I purchased your ebook. I was inspired to buy it after having success with the tips in the mailbags. You have absolutely changed the way I view women and dating. I was completely blown away by the success I had after integrating your theories about the concept of attraction into my lifestyle. I used to be nervous and timid (a wuss bag) around women, but with your help I have learned to interact with women on a level that I never thought possible. I have found that when I interact with women in this way (C/F, confident, etc.), they go through a few stages: First, THEY are the ones who become nervous, etc., as if this is something that they have NEVER experienced before. After this first "shock" stage, they become VERY intrigued. Naturally following this, attraction sets in. From here, I decide whether or not I would like to intensify the attraction (is this a woman I would like to date, or is she just good practice?). If I decide that yes, I am interested in this woman, I lead them into "stage three", wherein I continue to use your techniques and they continue to feel attraction for me. Using this formula, I attracted a woman that I decided was worth dating. We are now in a relationship, and I am very much into her (she is emotionally stable, always honest with me, and not to mention stunningly beautiful) but I have a couple problems. Often times, she gives me signals that she does not feel secure in the relationship, as if I am about to drop her at any moment for another girl. Perhaps this is because I don’t at all hang on her, and I talk about other women. Although I do these things, part of me wants to tell her that I love her and I absolutely do not want out of the relationship. How can I relay this to her without
A) looking like a wussie, or B) giving her power in the relationship?
Also, should I continue to talk about other women around her, which makes her jealous, or am I being manipulative? I have found this to be very effective, but I do not always feel good about it. I realize that you do not often talk about relationships, but any insights you have would be very much appreciated. You truly are a pioneer in this field.
-T, minnesota
» MY COMMENTS:
OK, I'm going to address this one because it's also relevant to guys who have only gone out with a woman a few times and the woman is acting this way (insecure, etc.).
A few observations:
1. INSECURITY is a problem that SHE ALREADY HAS. It just happens that your behaviors are allowing you to see it sooner than most guys would.
2. It's ALMOST ALWAYS good when the woman you're dating knows that other women are attracted to you.
3. You should not change your behavior to suit a woman. In other words, if it's natural for you to talk to women, then talk to them. If you're ONLY doing it to make her jealous, then this is probably an insecure behavior on YOUR part.
I've personally found that if I start to tell a woman "Oh, baby, you're the only one for me and I want to be with you forever and ever, and you should feel secure in the relationship no matter what" that the only thing it accomplishes is her seeing me as a Wuss Bag.
If she isn't secure in herself, then she's not going to be secure in the relationship... and there's probably not much you can do about that except hope that she grows out of it.
I think that most of us guys KNOW where the line between "reassuring the woman we love that we're in this for the long term" and "giving up our power" is.
Just don't cross the line.
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