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***QUESTION***

So far I've read a lot of good advice on how to handle some of the most common situations with women. But one thing still remains a mystery for me: I have the most trouble initiating a conversation and namely one that will lead to getting her number or setting up a date etc. If i see a woman walking down the hall of my college or maybe even at the store, how do I approach her and start a conversation without seeming like just another "jerk" guy who is trying to get her into bed. I would like to meet women and have them be actually attracted to me not just have encounters. I never know what to say, I mean sure I could introduce myself but then what? And also once the conversation has started, when is a good time to ask for a number? How much conversation is a good amount or what type of "level" should a conversation reach so that she will feel comfortable about giving her number out? Generally I like having friends introduce me to someone because it gives me a good starting point and we both have something in common to talk about: a mutual friend. And once it gets rolling I have no problems, even though I am not the best looking guy. As you said in your last letter even regular guys benefit from this and its true I am average at about everything but I have my share of women. Initiating conversations with women I dont know or any of my friends know is the toughest for me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks and keep up the good work!

JS Chicago, IL


» MY COMMENTS:

Good question.

This is a question that is top-of-mind for just about every single adult male on the planet, by the way.

So first I have to pick apart the WAY you asked the question.

Then I'll give you some ideas...

I noticed that you wrote:

"...how do I approach her and start a conversation without seeming like just another "jerk" guy who is trying to get her into bed..."

Do you think that most women are approached a lot in the hall or at stores by "jerk guys who are trying to get them into bed"?

And it also sounds to me like you have the concepts of "jerk" and "wanting to get her into bed" linked together in your mind.

In my experience, a woman won't think of you as a "jerk" unless either:

1. She's dating you, you're abusive, and she can't figure out why she can't bring herself to break up with you.

2. You're the kind of guy that OBVIOUSLY has no game at all whatsoever, but you're trying to talk to her in a sexually suggestive way.

Are you with me here?

Women don't think of regular guys who stop them in the hall or at the bookstore as "jerks" automatically.

And this is ESPECIALLY true if you're interesting, charming, and comfortable with yourself.

You feel me?

So the first thing you need to do is STOP USING YOUR WONDERFUL CREATIVE IMAGINATION TO LIMIT YOURSELF!

I know MANY guys that approach woman all the time... in the hall, in the store, at clubs, on the internet, and every other place on the planet... and I've heard of VERY, VERY few instances where something bad came of it.

And, in fact, the worst I've EVER heard of is having a drink thrown in your face or a slap.

I've never heard of:

1. Permanent bodily injury. 2. Death. 3. Irreparable damage to self esteem.

(Although I'm sure that some dumb-ass somewhere on the planet has figured out a way to have one of these things happen to him as a result of approaching a woman...)

The point is that if you start a conversation with a woman, IT'S GOING TO BE OK.

And if you do it in an interesting, charming way there's a VERY good chance that a woman will give you her name and email/number.

And if you DON'T start talking to her, then the chances are very close to ZERO that you'll get it.

Here, try this:

Next time you walk by a girl in the hall, look her right in the eye and give her a slight smile.

Then say "Hey, can I ask you a question?"

When she stops and says "Sure", say:

"Are you single?"

If she asks "Why?" say:

"Well, I know someone who I think would REALLY find you attractive. He's nice, funny, interesting... and I think you might like him. (smile in a knowing way as you say all of this, hinting that you might be talking about yourself)"

Then ask "Do you have email?"

If she asks if you're talking about yourself, just look at her and say "Maybe".

Get her email, say "I'll have him email you", and walk away.

This is a fun way to start a conversation, and the direct "Are you single?" question really throws women off balance for a moment.

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